Georgiezine

 This week things went more to shit, in relation to university studies, it really is fuckery on every fronts, not because of individuals (though some could be more sympathetic) but it's designed for people with disposable income and no dependents. My student partner flaked out this week and needed an extension, which is cool, but this was preceded by five days of radio silence, in which I sent messages without response (the one time I waited until 10am to tell them I had a sick child, was, however, treated as if I needed to sentence in the court of public opinion). Anyway, I said I was signing off tomorrow and going on holidays and they had one hour of my free time, and that's it. I need a break, it's not long enough, but I've booked into an overpriced airbnb (is there any other kind) and am going to try remembering what I used to do with myself, when being healthy, or in my own company. Read? Paint? Stretch out? I actually used to think I needed to do more or do postgr...

 I took the kids to the memorial and we chit chatted to the people in attendance, not necessarily who I expected, but anyhow. I introduced my eldest to JB, who he liked for being a music dad and a member of the "albertones" music group, and for joking about the old Max and the new Max, "you haven't reached Maximus yet" (a long running gag, which involves me dreaming my son has moved away to study at university and still, the old Max is there, as his campus flat mate). When my son told him he played cello, JB admired it as being The Best instrument, even though his kid plays flute (and, in the background, he's practising to achieve the bpm that conductor, Sean, is hoping that quad S can achieve for tomorrow's ABODA concert).  In news update, my son's orchestra got a BRONZE, and my other son kicked his first goal in a footy match, these are the victories to celebrate (other things went a bit to shit, but we're all still alive).  I finished reading ...

One or two years ago I was asking around for advice on recalling a long lost novel, I remembered reading before I'd had a second child, no-one knew what I was talking about, but the internet has got stronger, and wham, it was Kristopher Jansma's 2016 novel, "why we came to the city'. They're a literature professor who believes in writing what you know, I'm guessing their 1990s were a little bit preppie, a little bit goth.  Friday night I tossed up between last minute attendance at an xmas in july quiz night, or turning up at the elder hall biannual strings night for my son or staying home. Inertia won, meanwhile the youngest went out and played for the u9, they won, he's worked out his role, 'defence', tackling, handballing, scooping up the ball, as well as the whole pre-game ritual of listening to Thunderstruck and running out excited. Both kids want to resume tennis next term, and these are the things to support, if you have the resources.  The ce...

Still sad about my friend, listening to Plainsong wasn't necessary helpful, but also a bit cathartic, but then I did this thing, that I always do, why oh why, the comparative thing, when you realise the guy you rejected as being conceited/smug/boring is now married to a doctor/has a child who is a doctor/is a doctor. It's all the worse given that my friend wanted to be a doctor and almost got there, and it's such a brutal industry, but, for some, it bankrolls holidays in Japan and sailing every Saturday. I also, still, feel regret at not making it to a funeral two years ago, at a time when my self esteem was south, for what now seems irrelevant, but in turn, that helps me realise that we can let circumstance form the measure of us, and make decisions that are stupid (me-skipping a funeral; my friend-suiciding), when it doesn't matter. No-one that matters, minds. And those that keep their distance, are only human.  Work, aka placement, aka unpaid time that I will never g...

 All week I did things for me. Visited the art museum, got a student to review my survey, planned an art session for my co-design workshop, wrote it all up and then, yesterday, 4:30, I looked at my phone and there was a message from my friend, letting me know her partner had died by suicide. Had to tell my son who is friends with their eldest, and prepare telling my youngest who is in a class with their youngest. Thought a lot about what I could say or do differently, and what I missed, and what difference I could have made, and shared it with those I was in conversation with, and trusted. Interestingly Michael shared the most, more about him and his philosophy of life, in fact more about himself than he's shared in the time I've known him. He too had overwhelming grief, and appears to have sorted it out through travellling and visspassana, (doubt I've spelt that correctly) and also lost a 90s era friend, in recent times, first socially, then forever. As he shared, it does ...

 It can be easy to miss it, but Sunday morning we lazed together in the western sunshine; we listened to our son and requested a timetable at school that suits him socially, our youngest still enjoys football, I read books I liked, and managed to get to the pool twice this week, still well away from the physical fitness I'd prefer but building a regularity which is the first step. 

 Tomorrow, for work, I have to facilitate a group doing arty stuff expressing lived experience, and oh my, I don't feel prepared. I should be packing my car now, but I am not, I'm going to 'wing it', which is a bad bad philosophy, that relies on personal charm, and people's willingness to free range.  Umm, swapped notes with work Jess about books, campus novels, performative male in the wilderness, the latter prompted by the sighting of a guy, 40plus, well dressed: khaki duster jacket, Tortoise tshirt, Japanese skater jeans, shoes, clear plastic spectacles, cap clad, on phone, waiting for work colleague, younger, boob tube, bomber jacket, skater jeans. Such a cool platonic couple. Sadly, phone battery flat.  Earlier I'd been up the hill at Flinders Uni, working out the whole Sturt campus, medical campus, Bedford campus, bridge, wilderness, lake, community centre, market garden, permaculture garden, the library, the art museum, which is in exactly the same place ...