2011
I am an awesome Mum. I am not going to hide this anymore.
It is great to be good at mothering, in addition to other skills I have in life. And what I like about mothering is the wisdom you gain. You learn to avoid things that are too costly-financially, emotionally, physically. You pick your battles. You concentrate on simple things. You live in the moment. You look after someone who needs your help and who interacts back with you. You get to hang out with other kids and see how they are developing too. And there are a whole range of parental types out there: suburbanites, yummy mummies, attachment parents, helicopters, stage mothers and so forth but amongst all that are the same people as me, who have turned their curiosity in life to include children as well.
My friend accompanied me to the pool last week. She teaches children swimming and saw some of her students from Term Four last year. They saw Lu in her arms and wanted to know if she'd had a baby since they'd last seen here (6 weeks!). Children are funny. I can remember years ago having a swim at the Unley Pool in Forestville. A boy about 4 came up to me and asked if I had a baby, and then explained to me that babies can grow in Mum's tummies-obviously he was about to become a big brother. It's a fascinating story for every child to learn about. Ash found it hard waiting for Lu to be born, would predict an arrival of "five days or ten years!" because it was all the same for him. Recently the 3 boys have been asking their Mum why they were given their names, how she chose them. Ash listened, went outside to play and returned, requesting his story. She explained the connection to Chaim Potok's novel and he sat on her lap to hear this story and thanked her with "I love you Mum". I laughed on hearing this, because at the moment, in my household, the link that follows "I love you Mum" is "I love you Spot". Yes, my aunt gave me the "Spot loves his Mum" book.
Have been getting better at reading daily to Lu, often the time I choose is when he is most inclined to sit still in my arms and gaze up wondrously at my face. He's been fed and just wants to contentendly gaze at me, it's lovely. Managed to get him to interact slightly with his book about Australian animals, but mostly his favourite past time is hitting and swinging his soft toy clown face that hangs off his toy mobile. He'll laugh and cry and scream as he does this, making it hard to tell if he's still happy (he's out of control and over tired if he's simultaneously hitting a hanging rattle and kicking his legs-I can get him to fall asleep within 5 minutes if that is the case). He also chats and groans and farts in his sleep; A and I will hear him making loud noises but when we check on him his eyes are closed and his face is serene, smiling even. He's a happy baby. Even now he is noisy, although he's fallen asleep whilst playing under his toy mobile.
This is good and I have finally managed to break out of the victim/martyr cycle I still had after my birth. The birth itself was great and I was on a high for several days, overjoyed to have my son. Then as the hormones wore off and the physical recovery started, I was still thrilled with parenthood but also inclined to ruminate on what I still don't have in my life, and also to ruminate on the prenatal care I received. The child and youth health visitor encouraged me to provide feedback to the hospital and finally I managed to distill it down to a 1 page letter that I emailed them. Yesterday I met with the feedback coordinator and that was really valuable. She was caring but mature, good at listening and getting to the real crux of the matter. And what was great was that she totally validated me, agreed that I hadn't received the care I needed and was right to expect. Knowing that-that I wasn't being unrealistic, that what happened was wrong and needlessly caused distress, was cathartic. I should be able to (gradually) start letting go!
It is great to be good at mothering, in addition to other skills I have in life. And what I like about mothering is the wisdom you gain. You learn to avoid things that are too costly-financially, emotionally, physically. You pick your battles. You concentrate on simple things. You live in the moment. You look after someone who needs your help and who interacts back with you. You get to hang out with other kids and see how they are developing too. And there are a whole range of parental types out there: suburbanites, yummy mummies, attachment parents, helicopters, stage mothers and so forth but amongst all that are the same people as me, who have turned their curiosity in life to include children as well.
My friend accompanied me to the pool last week. She teaches children swimming and saw some of her students from Term Four last year. They saw Lu in her arms and wanted to know if she'd had a baby since they'd last seen here (6 weeks!). Children are funny. I can remember years ago having a swim at the Unley Pool in Forestville. A boy about 4 came up to me and asked if I had a baby, and then explained to me that babies can grow in Mum's tummies-obviously he was about to become a big brother. It's a fascinating story for every child to learn about. Ash found it hard waiting for Lu to be born, would predict an arrival of "five days or ten years!" because it was all the same for him. Recently the 3 boys have been asking their Mum why they were given their names, how she chose them. Ash listened, went outside to play and returned, requesting his story. She explained the connection to Chaim Potok's novel and he sat on her lap to hear this story and thanked her with "I love you Mum". I laughed on hearing this, because at the moment, in my household, the link that follows "I love you Mum" is "I love you Spot". Yes, my aunt gave me the "Spot loves his Mum" book.
Have been getting better at reading daily to Lu, often the time I choose is when he is most inclined to sit still in my arms and gaze up wondrously at my face. He's been fed and just wants to contentendly gaze at me, it's lovely. Managed to get him to interact slightly with his book about Australian animals, but mostly his favourite past time is hitting and swinging his soft toy clown face that hangs off his toy mobile. He'll laugh and cry and scream as he does this, making it hard to tell if he's still happy (he's out of control and over tired if he's simultaneously hitting a hanging rattle and kicking his legs-I can get him to fall asleep within 5 minutes if that is the case). He also chats and groans and farts in his sleep; A and I will hear him making loud noises but when we check on him his eyes are closed and his face is serene, smiling even. He's a happy baby. Even now he is noisy, although he's fallen asleep whilst playing under his toy mobile.
This is good and I have finally managed to break out of the victim/martyr cycle I still had after my birth. The birth itself was great and I was on a high for several days, overjoyed to have my son. Then as the hormones wore off and the physical recovery started, I was still thrilled with parenthood but also inclined to ruminate on what I still don't have in my life, and also to ruminate on the prenatal care I received. The child and youth health visitor encouraged me to provide feedback to the hospital and finally I managed to distill it down to a 1 page letter that I emailed them. Yesterday I met with the feedback coordinator and that was really valuable. She was caring but mature, good at listening and getting to the real crux of the matter. And what was great was that she totally validated me, agreed that I hadn't received the care I needed and was right to expect. Knowing that-that I wasn't being unrealistic, that what happened was wrong and needlessly caused distress, was cathartic. I should be able to (gradually) start letting go!
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