maximus

 I took the kids to the memorial and we chit chatted to the people in attendance, not necessarily who I expected, but anyhow. I introduced my eldest to JB, who he liked for being a music dad and a member of the "albertones" music group, and for joking about the old Max and the new Max, "you haven't reached Maximus yet" (a long running gag, which involves me dreaming my son has moved away to study at university and still, the old Max is there, as his campus flat mate). When my son told him he played cello, JB admired it as being The Best instrument, even though his kid plays flute (and, in the background, he's practising to achieve the bpm that conductor, Sean, is hoping that quad S can achieve for tomorrow's ABODA concert). 

In news update, my son's orchestra got a BRONZE, and my other son kicked his first goal in a footy match, these are the victories to celebrate (other things went a bit to shit, but we're all still alive). 

I finished reading Sunshine Girl by Julianna Marguiles, it's funny how they take years to write these memoirs that we, the reader, devour in a day, it was the same with Demi Moore's book and Ione Skye, the celebrity memoir is a novelty, but JM was good because she'd been brought up by a soul searching mother and quite intentionally committed to her studies and theatre training, as a result, that personal development to bring steadiness to the chaos. She described the work she did to create a believable character on ER, and how she'd planned her exit from the TV show by paying off her mortgage and lining up a year of theatre work, or how she transitioned out of a long-term relationship, as an older and childless woman, by drawing on all the work she'd done, from yoga and therapy, to keep her former partner grounded and not react to his issues; that she cooked at home, hosted friends for shared meals; and looking after her platonic relationships until she met her husband on a whim. He'd just quit his corporate job and spent 11 days on silent retreat, and was clearly grounded and committed to decent chivalrous behaviour and it's worked ever since. But she described the challenges of having a young child whilst working on seven seasons of a TV show with long filming hours; and a book she's read to him, and now reads to herself, (must get a copy), in which two monks meet a young women, in silk robes, telling off her servants, one helps carry her across a muddy road, she doesn't thank him, the two monks continue walking, several hours later the young monk asks why the older monk didn't speak up or say anything, the young woman was so thankless, and the older monk says "I put her down hours ago, why are you still carrying her"?

I do love that. There is an art to letting go, and yet I can see glimpses of it, when I have, when I am upset, when I need to let it go and keep carrying on, so it doesn't spoil new things. There is an art to planning an exit, anticipating and preparing for the next stage so I don't react, or aren't reliant on external factors I don't really control; and I thought about the time that Demi Moore appeared in Andrew McCarthy's document, very zen. Her breakup with Ashton was humiliating and her reaction (drinking or taking substances or whatever) resulted in an intervention by her children who distanced themselves for some time even after she got help). Obviously she had more resources at her disposal, but still there was a choice between further spiralling or disappearing into oblivion, but instead she had got herself to the point where they, the mysterious they, no longer matter. You know you've recovered when they no longer have power over you, aren't what you define yourself by, you've moved past it. Takes a lot of therapy though! And loving care and having that base that stays grounded.