day 10

 Ten days ago I got the flu (the flu? A flu?) and used it as an opportunity to take a break from drinking. When I weighed myself, I'd lost 3kg without trying, so it's definitely worthwhile, plus I sleep better, have slightly less anxiety and I'm getting into tea drinking. 

The kids are away in the country, and I've used the time to clean, deep clean, fall in love with a clean house. I sorted out my art desk, tidied up my writing desk enough to complete my passport application (done!), Mum visited and made a welcome contribution to the front and rear verandah, then Jess visited and helped clean my bathroom walls, admiring their blue colour. She, bless her, even cleaned the ceiling with her long netballer arms. To deserve a friend like Jess is something! 

The next project is to paint the backing of a frame, in a duck egg blue variance, so I can frame the Laura Wills print I bought, and then await the hooks I bought, which allegedly could hold up to 7kg, and finish my loungeroom 'hangings'. There's a house on Torrens Road, near the Village Grounds, which has an attractive front room, and that's my inspiration. 

Jess also helped me make some important therapeutic progress. About five years ago, I'd read my uni diaries and found myself pulled into them like a black hole that I had trouble emerging from. It became impossible to look at those times without feeling regrets, almost overshadowing the 20 years in between, which is ridiculous when I've had so much joy from starting a family, and times together on the road and met great people, and yet that seemed barely relevant, compared to this. I even tried to turn it into a story, called Perfect Failure, which encapsulated the era but also wasn't a strong foundation. 

What changed? I think first of all, it was learning how to use real life inspirations to craft my own fiction, the importance of writing without grievance, so the creative subconscious can flourish. That meant I could write The Leftovers and not get caught up in personal history. (I regret not going to Lesley's funeral, or the school reunion, in late 2023, but I wasn't ready for that road trip, but now I know what it means to me to spend time down south, near my roots).