Georgiezine

 Ten days ago I got the flu (the flu? A flu?) and used it as an opportunity to take a break from drinking. When I weighed myself, I'd lost 3kg without trying, so it's definitely worthwhile, plus I sleep better, have slightly less anxiety and I'm getting into tea drinking.  The kids are away in the country, and I've used the time to clean, deep clean, fall in love with a clean house. I sorted out my art desk, tidied up my writing desk enough to complete my passport application (done!), Mum visited and made a welcome contribution to the front and rear verandah, then Jess visited and helped clean my bathroom walls, admiring their blue colour. She, bless her, even cleaned the ceiling with her long netballer arms. To deserve a friend like Jess is something!  The next project is to paint the backing of a frame, in a duck egg blue variance, so I can frame the Laura Wills print I bought, and then await the hooks I bought, which allegedly could hold up to 7kg, and finish my loun...

On the inside and the out, implies soulfulness, in the eyes of the beholder. I've been looking at women approaching 50, to see how they are ageing, and there tends to be a story in there, as much about how they live. A woman alone is not lonely. She may divorce, lose jobs, go through therapy, have children, be childless, but she knows herself and when seasons change, she heads off on her own adventure.  I had an amusing experience, a story I don't yet know how to interpret. I joined a friend at The Drones, Mess Hall were the support act, last seen at the Annandale, females in the girl's bathroom, singing along mimic style, replicating Jed Kurzel, offspring of Polish migrant parents, long moved on from north of Adelaide. Whilst listening to them, I stood at stage left, recognizing someone from my past, which is to say once I knew them, by sight and by name, now he's a stranger. Dennis Lillee moustache and flannel shirt, half ironic and I wish I could place him, to place ...

 I did myself a favour and booked a few nights away as a staycation, although my youngest invited himself along too, which was cute. We practiced basketball together, teaching him one handed bounce catching, and did some water colour painting and headed down to the creek together, just like we did at gilberton section of parra wirra, a few years ago. I wish my children would reverse age.  Today I caught the tram into the city to watch my eldest sing with his choir, they've branched out from jazz, to chamber songs, so that was quite enjoyable, and although it was in a baptist church, they did have nice stained glass, so that was cool too. 

 This week things went more to shit, in relation to university studies, it really is fuckery on every fronts, not because of individuals (though some could be more sympathetic) but it's designed for people with disposable income and no dependents. My student partner flaked out this week and needed an extension, which is cool, but this was preceded by five days of radio silence, in which I sent messages without response (the one time I waited until 10am to tell them I had a sick child, was, however, treated as if I needed to sentence in the court of public opinion). Anyway, I said I was signing off tomorrow and going on holidays and they had one hour of my free time, and that's it. I need a break, it's not long enough, but I've booked into an overpriced airbnb (is there any other kind) and am going to try remembering what I used to do with myself, when being healthy, or in my own company. Read? Paint? Stretch out? I actually used to think I needed to do more or do postgr...

 I took the kids to the memorial and we chit chatted to the people in attendance, not necessarily who I expected, but anyhow. I introduced my eldest to JB, who he liked for being a music dad and a member of the "albertones" music group, and for joking about the old Max and the new Max, "you haven't reached Maximus yet" (a long running gag, which involves me dreaming my son has moved away to study at university and still, the old Max is there, as his campus flat mate). When my son told him he played cello, JB admired it as being The Best instrument, even though his kid plays flute (and, in the background, he's practising to achieve the bpm that conductor, Sean, is hoping that quad S can achieve for tomorrow's ABODA concert).  In news update, my son's orchestra got a BRONZE, and my other son kicked his first goal in a footy match, these are the victories to celebrate (other things went a bit to shit, but we're all still alive).  I finished reading ...

One or two years ago I was asking around for advice on recalling a long lost novel, I remembered reading before I'd had a second child, no-one knew what I was talking about, but the internet has got stronger, and wham, it was Kristopher Jansma's 2016 novel, "why we came to the city'. They're a literature professor who believes in writing what you know, I'm guessing their 1990s were a little bit preppie, a little bit goth.  Friday night I tossed up between last minute attendance at an xmas in july quiz night, or turning up at the elder hall biannual strings night for my son or staying home. Inertia won, meanwhile the youngest went out and played for the u9, they won, he's worked out his role, 'defence', tackling, handballing, scooping up the ball, as well as the whole pre-game ritual of listening to Thunderstruck and running out excited. Both kids want to resume tennis next term, and these are the things to support, if you have the resources.  The ce...

Still sad about my friend, listening to Plainsong wasn't necessary helpful, but also a bit cathartic, but then I did this thing, that I always do, why oh why, the comparative thing, when you realise the guy you rejected as being conceited/smug/boring is now married to a doctor/has a child who is a doctor/is a doctor. It's all the worse given that my friend wanted to be a doctor and almost got there, and it's such a brutal industry, but, for some, it bankrolls holidays in Japan and sailing every Saturday. I also, still, feel regret at not making it to a funeral two years ago, at a time when my self esteem was south, for what now seems irrelevant, but in turn, that helps me realise that we can let circumstance form the measure of us, and make decisions that are stupid (me-skipping a funeral; my friend-suiciding), when it doesn't matter. No-one that matters, minds. And those that keep their distance, are only human.  Work, aka placement, aka unpaid time that I will never g...

 All week I did things for me. Visited the art museum, got a student to review my survey, planned an art session for my co-design workshop, wrote it all up and then, yesterday, 4:30, I looked at my phone and there was a message from my friend, letting me know her partner had died by suicide. Had to tell my son who is friends with their eldest, and prepare telling my youngest who is in a class with their youngest. Thought a lot about what I could say or do differently, and what I missed, and what difference I could have made, and shared it with those I was in conversation with, and trusted. Interestingly Michael shared the most, more about him and his philosophy of life, in fact more about himself than he's shared in the time I've known him. He too had overwhelming grief, and appears to have sorted it out through travellling and visspassana, (doubt I've spelt that correctly) and also lost a 90s era friend, in recent times, first socially, then forever. As he shared, it does ...

 It can be easy to miss it, but Sunday morning we lazed together in the western sunshine; we listened to our son and requested a timetable at school that suits him socially, our youngest still enjoys football, I read books I liked, and managed to get to the pool twice this week, still well away from the physical fitness I'd prefer but building a regularity which is the first step. 

 Tomorrow, for work, I have to facilitate a group doing arty stuff expressing lived experience, and oh my, I don't feel prepared. I should be packing my car now, but I am not, I'm going to 'wing it', which is a bad bad philosophy, that relies on personal charm, and people's willingness to free range.  Umm, swapped notes with work Jess about books, campus novels, performative male in the wilderness, the latter prompted by the sighting of a guy, 40plus, well dressed: khaki duster jacket, Tortoise tshirt, Japanese skater jeans, shoes, clear plastic spectacles, cap clad, on phone, waiting for work colleague, younger, boob tube, bomber jacket, skater jeans. Such a cool platonic couple. Sadly, phone battery flat.  Earlier I'd been up the hill at Flinders Uni, working out the whole Sturt campus, medical campus, Bedford campus, bridge, wilderness, lake, community centre, market garden, permaculture garden, the library, the art museum, which is in exactly the same place ...

Headed up to Flinders University in person, belated effort, I remember cool celebrations in the past, honouring drama centre and so on.  The lay out is brutalist but also resourced; I spent time wandering around social sciences north and south, past the lake, the student hub, walked across the bridge that joins bedford campus with sturt campus, looked down into the forest and felt inspired.  After I finished with the library, and the art museum ("un-disciplined") I decided to drive to the city via Colonel Light Gardens, that planned community, and Hutt Street in case there was anything new. I sat outside a fancy cafe, where all the cool kids were, including a guy whose outfit I wanted to photograph but camera batterly was flat. I'll describe. Clear perspex spectacles, cap, khaki coloured dust jacket, a black tshirt with white writing that seemed to be for Tortoise the band, dark denim jeans that looked Japanese skater style, pull on shoes, like the Vans that Sean Penn wor...

 Aeons ago, I was hanging out with my friend Megan, who was taking AGES to buy cigarettes in the 7 day supermarket and I walked in and loudly declared 'hurry up' like I was the grumpy blackboard in Mr Squiggle, before my jaw dropped, and I understood her delay-Mr Adonis was on the checkout counter, and he wouldn't have been a day over 17. Unbelievable. At the time the age gap was definitely 20 years, more for Megan, and we walked away guiltily laughing.  Age gaps still have taboo, I used to get hung up about a 2-3 year age gap, which seems ridiculous now, but it remains as a double standard of ageism. Men as old as the recently departed Sam Neill (RIP, such a babe), can match up with someone younger than their adult children, because they're a financially solvent silver fox, but if a women matches up with a much younger male, eyebrows are raised.  There is a not great film I watched recently, featuring Michelle Pfeiffer and Paul Rudd, both did their best with uneven mat...

Had some more fridge free action, last week, when I stayed in accommodation with highly curated interior cabinetry, followed by a charming and very 'me' interior, think wood, textiles, mood lights, books, rugs, deep sleep. M came to visit, on my request, gee he's nice, but he does a friendly patter, sometimes about keeping it light, sometimes masking something he doesn't want to talk about, sometimes signalling time up. He's married to his job, which is what brain boxes without a girlfriend do, maybe that's why he keeps telling me to spend more time at home, but home isn't enough of a reflection of my inner life, so I'm overcompensating, and I don't need to doubt my abilities, professionally, but be more selective. He talked about some guide to being a political advisor, amusingly it's only 2 pages long, but the hot tip is speak to people, and know your portfolio, I said yes, it's always a relief when someone has that humility. M gave me tips...

I'm on my laptop at the desk of one of the siblings of the bass player in my son's teenage rock pop band. There are kids in the kitchen, and the lounge is set up with a variety of toys, board games, nurturing routines, one of the siblings (I can't tell them apart) has written a letter in pencil handwriting, all code. The Mum has baked brownies, iced them, there's snacks aplenty.  The older kids started band practice after one of the younger siblings finished rehearsing with a five piece, boys and girls in the band, a school performance in two weeks, very nervous, but sound great to me. A musical household and a family home, nice.  I'd been so exhausted, too exhausted, and checked into an Airbnb for 2 night's sleep by the beachside in an art deco apartment, followed by 3 nights this week in a cool one-bedroom artists retreat, both different but welcome experiences, each with a bath. The latter had an outdoor bath, and I think that's my future goal, if I can t...

Today I cried at work, fortunately not because of work. I ended up approaching my ED, who has a reputation for being 'human' and asked how he kept on keeping on when he did his PhD, but the answer was 'before kids', so not so helpful, but I'm glad I asked. I told him that I've learnt the importance of crying and feeling the pain, in order to surf through it, though I probably didn't use that language. At least the tears came out freely enough. Then I wrote a sensible email to my lecturer, about how to catch up.  Sometimes I look at my life and despair at my inability to make time for myself, even when I have the opportunity, I fill it with things that exhaust me or are fleeting, or I pay for later.  Generations in Jazz was okay, a lot of effort on son's behalf, at the expense of his goals, now he's behind with school work, hasn't prepared for his cello audition, said I'm imposing my goals on his life and wants me to withdraw him from the gift...

Invited myself over to visit a friend whose partner is an architect, they live in a heritage cottage with a laneway rear extension, grand total of 120sqm. I liked it a lot (without knowing if that's a lot or a little); reminded me of A Tiny Apartment (my fave blog, whose partner is an architect too!), as it had upstairs loft study space, downstairs kitchen/dining/living space, corridor of art/bookshelves and smaller bedrooms. A kid came home from school, presumably on his bicycle or dropped off by neighbour, politely nodded and ignored me as they grabbed food from the pantry.   We chit chatted, sipping from mugs I admired, it was like being in South Hobart, complete with a friendly neighbourhood lady who dropped off spare football boots. I asked partner if being an architect is being good at problem solving and he said yeah, defining the problem, that matters, and my friend and I expanded: spatial problem solving, small spaces, knowing complicated like physics and angles, warm...

 Went to see Split Enz last night, from arriving at the train station en route, my heart sank about how drab and badly dressed matured aged audiences are, in Adelaide, I do remember getting shirty with my Mum for pointing this out, but it's true. Everyone dresses like they've left prison or they were forced to shop for their wardrobe at Millers or Lowes (and maybe they were). By the time we arrived at Entertainment Centre, there were a few glimmers of hope, a guy who had an actual Split Enz t-shirt, looked like a New Zealander. Then, as the band came on, there was relief. Paul and Tim had white hair big and boofy, sharp plaid suits, Neil in Blue and Tim in orange, they shared a retrospective of all the amazing outfits that Noel had made for them over the years, and I was in heaven. Noel is a talent, I believe he did the sets for Play School and/or Rockwiz, and he's good at sewing, screen printing, patchworking but also that higher level of conceptual design. Makes Jenny Kee...

  I've been reading Real Estate by Deborah Levy, the sequel to Cost of Living (or is it Cost of Loving?). Remains a great title in my mind, either way. Meanwhile I've requested and borrowed out everything she's written, and it's a lot. I recommended her to my friend and new book club of two and she's reading her too, I'm impressed.  Last night I dropped off the eldest at orchestra practice and parked behind Schultz in a 15 minute zone, so I could collect a book reservation-Hilary McPhee, Other People's Lives, which includes her setting up McPhee Gribble and publishing Monkey Grip. The youngest was so delighted by the library, that we returned to the car and grabbed his book so he, too, could enjoy the delight of a reading room. I deliberately tested spatial awareness by setting a small challenge of finding the library a second time, without me, and they did, walking past the observatory building and the small child care, which had a nice vibe, and where iden...

Tonight I signalled I wanted to catch the 5:00 train, did exit things to enable this, except left my bike helmet at the desk, by the time I made it to the train platform on my ebike, all gone.  I waited for the next train, with my study partner, all good as I caught the train home via the inner west, which terminates at now gentrified beach destination, OMG, another level of fashion forwardness. Think men in linen jackets, paisley shirts, trousers, lace up oxfords, carry bags, silver fox (male, female) with wrap around wool wear, confidence, knowing/connecting looks, cool handbags by a bespoke bag maker.  My pick of the night was a couple, she/they short hair, tweed wool coat, wrap around scarf, leaning into/resting against him/they in pink shirt, doom scrolling phones. She/they wore pants, lace up oxfords and as she/they exited, I noted: nose ring, lip ring, that latest craze of skinny pendant descending into cleavage territory, semi unbuttoned linen shirt, thin not wiry, in ...

From a fashion first aid perspective, I need intervention, wore tracky pants, in public, to avoid unflattering effect of jeans. Lifestyle has caught up and have to do something, something, something.  Umm, what else. I had an amusing experience when I realised a frenemy-someone I get along with, from an intellectual and cultural and even ethical perspective-suffers not only from smugness, but social insecurity. I had no idea they need to be cool, given they're well educated and attained tenure in a competitive field, by pursuing something that yielded external validation of a kind they take for granted, which funds renovations and holidays. Sounds enough to me, but they also want to be cool.  I suspect the source of their difficulties is they've been with the same partner since a teenager, lack of comparison in the bedroom (even a sample of two is useful), kissing action hasn't diversified since they were a geek. That's the real tragedy. Funny how much passion is involv...